Take this quiz – We dare you

Most of us like to think we are emotionally intelligent.  Despite decades in the business of “psychology” I admit, I sometimes “lose it” . . . lose my emotional intelligence.  When I’m stressed, sick, tired (or sick ‘n tired) it’s harder to muster up my objectively and control,  much less compassion for myself or others.  I experience emotional intelligence as not a fixed number like I.Q. but rather waxes, wanes, ebbs and flows throughout my day.

Cat in “the hat” by peggy from Pawsitively Tuesday

According to Psychology Today, “Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others. It is generally said to include three skills:

Emotional awareness, including the ability to identify your own emotions and those of others;
The ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problems solving;
The ability to manage emotions, including the ability to regulate your own emotions, and the ability to cheer up or calm down another person.”

Here’s a checklist from MindTools that can help you determine your EI

15 Statements to Answer

Not at All Rarely Sometimes Often Very Often
1 I can recognize my emotions as I experience them.
2 I lose my temper when I feel frustrated.
3 People have told me that I’m a good listener.
4 I know how to calm myself down when I feel anxious or upset.
5 I enjoy organizing groups.
6 I find it hard to focus on something over the long-term.
7 I find it difficult to move on when I feel frustrated or unhappy.
8 I know my strengths and weaknesses.
9 I avoid conflict and negotiations.
10 I feel that I don’t enjoy my work.
11 I ask people for feedback on what I do well, and how I can improve.
12 I set long-term goals, and review my progress regularly.
13 I find it difficult to read other people’s emotions.
14 I struggle to build rapport with others.
15 I use active listening skills when people speak to me.

2, 6, 7, 9, 10, 13, 14 indicate needing to work on EI.

“You get the idea. Emotional Intelligence is the ability to work well with others, keep oneself in check, motivate yourself and others without resorting to fear or intimidation, to be empathetic, and to know oneself. Psychologist Daniel Goleman says there are five elements that define EI:”

Self-awareness
Self-regulation
Motivation
Empathy
Social skills

Does YOUR EI wax & wane or is it a fixed attribute?

(jw)

http://www.usatoday.com/story/money/columnist/strauss/2017/02/24/you-emotionally-intelligent-s-big-help-workplace/98358312/

How to flip the switch – Shame, guilt and worry

Our brain wants us to feel good but it hasn’t quite figured out how to differentiate “good” feelings from “bad”.  When you feel shame, guilt and worry your brain is trying to reward you by activating its reward center! 

Feel’n Blue by Peggy

When you are being followed by a black cloud, Alex Korb* has some insights that might help you find the sun. It’s all about neuroscience.

According to Korb, “Despite their differences, pride, shame, and guilt all activate similar neural circuits, including the dorsomedial prefrontal cortex, amygdala, insula, and the nucleus accumbens. This explains why it can be so appealing to heap guilt and shame on ourselves — they’re activating the brain’s reward center.“

“A similar thing may be going if you just can’t seem to stop worrying. Korb says worrying stimulates the medial prefrontal cortex and lowers activity in the amygdala, thus helping your limbic system, your emotions, remain copascetic. His theory is that, even though worry is widely recognized as a pointless thing to do from a tactical point of view, apparently the brain considers it better than doing nothing at all when you’re anxious.”

How do you redirect your brain from “rewarding” you with guilt, shame or worry?

“Korb suggests asking yourself: “What am I grateful for?” His reasoning is chemical: “One powerful effect of gratitude is that it can boost serotonin. Trying to think of things you are grateful for forces you to focus on the positive aspects of your life. This simple act increases serotonin production in the anterior cingulate cortex.”

“Even more intriguingly, actually coming up with something you’re thankful for — not always an easy thing to do in a dark mood — isn’t even required. Just the acts of remembering to be thankful is the flexing of a type of emotional intelligence: “One study found that it actually affected neuron density in both the ventromedial and lateral prefrontal cortex. These density changes suggest that as emotional intelligence increases, the neurons in these areas become more efficient. With higher emotional intelligence, it simply takes less effort to be grateful.”

Serotonin Boost by Peggy

We’ve written about gratitude before – and will undoubtedly continue.  Quick and easy ways to refocus on what you can be grateful for is often hard when you’re feeling down.  Force yourself to name, list, draw 3 – 5 things every day.

They can be the same things every day and minor things taken for granted.

Examples of my gratitude:

  • I have teeth to brush

  • When I turn on the faucet water runs out

  • Blog followers clicked “like” on this post whether they “liked” it or not

Ahhhh. . .  I feel a serotonin surge in my anterior cingulate cortex and my  emotional intelligence increasing as I type . . . 

(jw)

*Alex Korb,  The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time

http://bigthink.com/robby-berman/4-things-you-can-do-to-cheer-up-according-to-neuroscience

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